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Cut the Complaining: Day #3

Cut the Complaining. “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.”

I took the idea of not complaining to bed with me when I decided to turn in early after not feeling my best. Rather than fighting the issue and continuing an ongoing dialogue with myself about how I felt bad, I went to the source – my body – and addressed the issue with sleep. I think it helped my body, and had some unexpectedly vivid dreams about a person and scenario with which I’ve had some complaints. What I got from my dreams is that we need to pay attention to the energy and feelings that are behind our complaints and get to the source of what is causing them.


In my case, the situation included a number of subtle deceptions, misrepresentations, and manipulations all of which left me feeling hurt, confused, and disempowered. However intense my feelings, the “complaints” I’ve made in the past fell on deaf ears and sometimes led to greater upheaval which was even worse than the feelings caused by the initial issue.


So, I learned to silence myself and “pick my battles” in the name of keeping the peace. What I didn’t realize was that by not voicing my concerns and requirements effectively or at all in some cases, I avoided conflict with others, but waged an internal war with myself.


A great quote I stumbled across today, from Eckhart Tolle, and used in the article The ‘No Complaining’ Rule: What it Really Means to Create a Company Culture of Positivity


“Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right, and to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There’s no ego in telling the waiter that your soup is cold and needs to be heated up, if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. “How dare you serve me cold soup!” – that’s complaining. There’s a “me” here that loves to feel personally offended by the cold soup and is going to make the most of it. A “me” that enjoys making someone wrong. The complaining we are talking about is in the service of the ego, not of change.”



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